Communication is one of our most valuable tools because it is the key to connection. Leveling up our communication with loved ones brings us closer while also enhancing overall wellbeing—for everyone involved. Read SparkWell’s Lisa Cashion’s top three communication strategies that will help you in connecting with the people you love.
WRITTEN BY Lisa Cashion, LCMHC, NCC
Let’s talk communication. Communication is one of our most valuable tools because it is the key to connection.
Communication helps us to build the relational connection that enhances our lives and fuels our sense of confidence and purpose.
Taking it a step further, relational connection is also linked to everything from immunity, gut health and mental health to creativity, focus and motivation. Communicating for connection is not something we want to take lightly!
Especially in our closest relationships, we want to increase the opportunity for all of the goodness that comes from positive connection and communication. Developing quality communication with our loved ones is a way to ensure that our most important relationships are stable and vibrant, even in the midst of our chaotic, challenging lives.
Leveling up our communication with loved ones brings us closer while also enhancing overall wellbeing—for everyone involved.
The following three communication strategies are relationship enhancers that will serve you well in connecting like a pro with the people you love:
MAKING EYE CONTACT
Does making eye contact seem old-fashioned? These days, with so many devices and distractions at our fingertips, we are likely to find ourselves conversing with loved ones as we type, scroll or read through texts. With this type of split attention, it is unlikely that we are catching the full meaning behind a conversation. And it is absolutely impossible to make another person feel seen, heard or known when our focus is divided in this way.
Making eye contact shows that we care to listen and that we are offering our gaze and our attention. Eye contact signals an intentional presence in a personal interaction. Even if the conversation is slight, the impact of eye contact is huge.
SLOWING DOWN FOR FASTER CONNECTION
We are busy, productive people, and slowing down is counterintuitive. We think we might miss a deadline if we slow down, or lose momentum. But slowing down can actually stretch time when we create protected space to hear and be heard.
Slowing down can minimize misunderstanding and prevent mistakes. When we slow down communication, we speed up understanding and clarity. We make fewer assumptions. We give ourselves a greater chance of absorbing the true intent in a conversation, and we are more likely to confirm what we have heard.
Treat yourself and your loved ones to a slower conversation. Slow your breathing, and slow your speech. Release the tension in your shoulders and sink into a big belly breath. Take turns speaking, and don’t worry about a little silence.
Slowing down a conversation does the strangest thing—it creates clarity and focus. It makes us choose our words more carefully and speak more clearly. It helps us remember more. Slowing down invites engagement. Slowing down ultimately moves us faster toward meaningful connection.
LEARNING TO LISTEN WELL
Listening well takes practice. I don’t know if we ever get it just right. Even when we make eye contact and slow down, the listening part is a challenge.
Why is it so hard? For starters, we are usually preparing our responses and thinking of what we want to say rather than truly listening. We also can go quickly into “fix-it” mode, which feels like a generous move, but really shifts our focus from what another person is asking for or telling us. Sometimes we are rushed, distracted, overwhelmed or emotionally activated, which leads to a breakdown in how we absorb information. No wonder it is hard to listen! We have to work against all of these other impulses while simultaneously gathering our attention toward one person’s verbal expressions. As I mentioned, it takes practice.
Learning to listen well is more than worth the effort. Listening well helps us know the story behind the story. We get clearer on the how and why. Listening well not only creates connection, but it also offers another person the feeling of being seen, heard and known. Listening well also gives us a better chance to meet expectations and hopes. We can save ourselves time, energy, effort and even money when we truly listen and don’t assume, react or quickly try to solve.
Here are some quick reference responses to promote listening well:
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Would you like to tell me more?”
“I would like to think about this before responding.”
“I am glad to listen to your thoughts/concerns/requests.”
“Listening to your thoughts and ideas helps me to understand better.”
Making eye contact, slowing down for faster connection and learning to listen well are a few of the many skills we can incorporate into our communication skill set.
Quality communication is a work in progress, and creating a relational connection is a long-term project. With some practice, these three strategies will become natural and easy to apply. Join me in making it a priority. Our loved ones will thank us.
Lisa Cashion, LCMHC, NCC, founder of SparkWell Counseling, is a licensed counselor, life coach and educator who supports high achievers in designing a healthier more balanced lifestyle.
SparkWell Counseling and Coaching provides energetic and solution-oriented support for individuals and couples who are looking for more clarity and balance in their lives.
Find out more about SparkWell offerings at sparkwellcounseling.com.
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