When healthy co-parenting seems impossible and mutual cooperation is unfeasible, parallel parenting may be the best approach for you and your co-parenting partner. Attorney Robin M. Mermans shares what parallel parenting is and provides four tips to staying on track when parallel parenting.
By Robin M. Mermans, Esq. of ROAD to RESOLUTION
Healthy and balanced co-parenting can be a challenging journey for separated and divorced parents. If this is something you and your co-parenting partner are having difficulty navigating, know that you’re not alone. As a mother and stepmother who navigated two separate parenting agreements, I know all too well the challenges of co-parenting, yet as a Collaborative Family Law attorney, I also know all too well how rewarding it is to develop a successful co-parenting relationship.
Studies have shown that ongoing conflict causes more psychological harm to children than the divorce itself, so it’s important to find ways to minimize conflict throughout your co-parenting journey.
A healthy co-parenting relationship includes a child-centered approach through collaborative decision- making, communication, and flexibility. However, when mutual cooperation is unfeasible and healthy co-parenting seems impossible, a co-parenting style called parallel parenting might be an appropriate solution. This is especially effective for families with a high-conflict relationship.
Parallel parenting is a co-parenting method where each parent has their own parenting approach and makes decisions independently. Parallel parenting is an approach that is often explained with the example of a train track. Each parent is a rail and the children cross over the tracks. When the kids are with one parent, they follow that parent’s track. When they’re with the other parent, they follow the other parent’s track. The two tracks rarely, if ever, cross. This co-parenting style allows parents to reduce communication between one another and also accepts the limitations of the other parent. Here are my top four tips to staying on track when parallel parenting:
Communicate Without Emotion
Conflict often comes from communication. As a way to reduce conflict, it’s important for parents to keep their communication unemotional, brief, and business-like. I coach my clients to use the BIFF Communication method, which was created by Bill Eddy. BIFF stands for brief, informative, firm, and friendly.
Utilize a Parenting App
To assist with communication, I highly recommend co-parents using parallel parenting utilize a parenting app to minimize direct contact with the other spouse. There are plenty of platforms to choose from with various features and solutions such as organizing calendars, sending messages, and managing expenses.
Engage a Child and Family Therapist
When a conversation or topic is too sensitive or emotional to communicate electronically through an app or email, turn to a professional to help. A child or family therapist can assist by guiding conversations that need more interaction. They can serve as a neutral third-party and document agreements between the parents to avoid potential future conflict.
Plan for Lack of Flexibility
It is common in parallel parenting that each parent’s track may not allow much flexibility or grace. Keep this in mind when creating your custody schedule. Plan ahead and prioritize important dates, events, and vacations.
We’re Here to Help
ROAD to RESOLUTION can help you effectively navigate your co-parenting and parallel parenting journey. As a Collaborative attorney, certified mediator, and co-parenting coach, I can serve as a resource for your separation, divorce, and co-parenting needs. Please give us a call at (980) 260-1600 and we can discuss your legal options. Our Charlotte-based team is here to help you and your family.
Note: This feature is intended to be informational only and shall not be construed as legal advice.
Robin M. Mermans is a Collaborative attorney, certified mediator, and co-parenting coach. She owns
ROAD to RESOLUTION: Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte. With her unique
perspective as an attorney, mother, and stepmother, she is an expert in shared parenting solutions and
co-parenting guidance. She is committed to using her personal story and passion to help her clients save
time and money, while avoiding unnecessary emotional turmoil during their divorce journey and on
their road to resolution.
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