Imagine if we treasured human connections the way we treasure connections with technology. We know we need human interaction as much as technology, because the health-related benefits of positive human connection. But we haven’t normalized the practicality of fostering and maintaining those connections. Read SparkWell’s Lisa Cashion’s top tips for refreshing and restoring human connection.
WRITTEN BY Lisa Cashion, LCMHC, NCC
Imagine if we treasured human connections the way we treasure connections with technology. It is impossible to imagine life without technological connection. The degree to which we rely on devices keeps us tolerating regular updates.
We expect occasional glitches and the necessity of restoring lost connection. We disconnect on purpose so that we can reboot, and we ask for help when needed. For the most part, we recognize the universal challenge and frustration of maintaining technological connection, seeing it as a normal function of life.
We don’t give up on our devices easily. We might curse, yell, plead, and cry, but we usually try to restore connection and make things work.
Moreover, there’s a general understanding that we all have connection trouble, and we are gracious about that shared experience. How many times have we apologized for a dropped call, loss of internet, or system failure? And how often have we extended patience and support to others wrestling with tech difficulty?
Tech vs. Human Connection
Somehow, that basic understanding of shared experience doesn’t translate to human connection.
We know we need human interaction as much as technology, because the health-related benefits of positive human connection are well-researched and documented.
But we haven’t normalized the practicality of fostering and maintaining those connections.
And we certainly haven’t normalized talking about personal relationships. Ironically, we are quick to mention dependence on our devices as well as our technology frustrations, but we struggle to talk about the benefits and strains in our more valuable human connections.
The Importance of Being Seen
Our real treasures are our human connections, but we are often uncomfortable talking about how much we gain from positive relationships. It can seem too personal to describe the energy boosts we receive from interactions with a friend, colleague, or loved one.
We know how it feels to be valued and seen by someone who knows us. These moments give us hope, comfort, motivation, and real physiological changes that improve our lives. Usually, we can recognize how our offers of attention provide that critical boost for others.
We even underestimate small connections with individuals who are not in our inner circle. Brief interactions with acquaintances or strangers—these exchanges of kindness and acknowledgment are tiny interactions that make a big difference. A smile, thoughtful question, gesture of respect—all are empowering moments that give both parties an energy lift.
Human connections are an energy source going both ways, helping us fuel and support each other. Keeping those channels of connection healthy and secure is worth the effort! Getting comfortable discussing our experiences of positive connection can move us toward talking about our struggles to sustain/restore those connections.
After all, when we can put language to how much something (or someone) means to us, we are closer to expressing how much we value a refresh. Then we can work together to enhance and re-energize the most important resource we have for health and wholeness.
Why Connection Feels Hard
Why is it a challenge to discuss and navigate interpersonal connection? While researchers and health professionals promote the virtues of connection for overall well-being, there are important factors preventing us from engaging in, or even talking about, relationship experiences. Cultural norms, gender expectations, and busyness steer us away from personal conversations. We worry we may not have the skills or the time to field the depth of such dialogue.
Defining connection is also tricky.
We may accept that personal connection is important, but we can’t expect a single word to encompass the variety of shared experiences that energize us. One person’s preferred connection might be different from another’s: big parties or intimate gatherings, small groups or one-on-one conversations. Describing connection is nuanced, because what works for one doesn’t work for all.
And, of course, we inherently know that connections make us vulnerable.
Deep connections require trust, accountability, and respect. Real connection comes in stages, and we are wise to feel cautious when it comes to sharing our innermost feelings. Furthermore, we know that connection opens us to loss, so we rationalize that avoiding possible loss is safer.
No wonder connecting on a human level is daunting! How can we lean into the need for connection with confidence and curiosity?
Rethinking How We Reconnect
Interestingly, we are generally more open to creative solutions when we normalize a challenge. What if we borrow some of technology logic by acknowledging the universal challenge of maintaining interpersonal connections? What if we promote a general understanding that glitches and lost connections are an ordinary function of life? What if we normalize asking for help when we feel disconnected?
Think about connection on a continuum, with different degrees of connection and vital reasons for nurturing relationships.
We benefit from intimate partnerships, family, and close friends. We also need connections that are based on shared interests and experiences. Community is based on a network of relationships, and we are more stable when our relationships extend beyond a single person or an insular group.
Navigating and prioritizing interpersonal connections can seem overwhelming at times, but it helps to consider investing different energy according to the degree of connection.
Tips for Refreshing and Restoring Human Connection
Organizing effort by category is a start. Here are some ideas for normalizing, restoring, and refreshing connections. Use them as a way to explore connectivity with others. Enjoy!
With our inner circle — close friends, family, spouses, significant others
Start talking. Letting a close friend or loved one know how much we value our connection is enriching and sometimes life-altering. We often feel afraid that we will overstep or come across as awkward. But the reward of expressing care and appreciation far outweighs the risk. Confide in your loved ones, inviting them to confide in you. Tell your friends you love them! Let them know when you have missed them and how much their friendship has enriched your life.
Regular connection check-ins. Think of these as positive habits that promote frequent communication, especially with significant others, family members, and roommates. Scheduled connection times are a reminder of shared affection, goals, and interests. It is reassuring to know that connection times are predictable, preventing issues from “building up” over time.
For colleagues, teammates, classmates, and associates
Break away from routine. Find a time to meet for coffee or lunch away from the office or school. Take extra time on a call just to chat. Volunteer as a group. Play sports/team games together.
Rotating reflections. Schedule group check-ins for feedback in addition to work-related reporting Circulate a reflective question ahead of time and give each person a turn to respond. Be sure to describe this before meeting so no one feels “put on the spot.”
For broader friend groups, community organizations, book clubs, neighbors
Turn thoughts into action. Take action when those thoughts of someone arise! Pick up the phone, send a text of encouragement, birthday card, or note. Plan a shared meal or casual group gathering.
For the general public
A kind remark/gesture of respect can make a difference in someone’s day. We are all wired for connection, and even small expressions provide a boost to the giver and receiver. These exchanges don’t have to drain our energy. A smile, thank you, or “Have a good day!” serves as a positive energy exchange in our busy days.
Lisa Cashion, LCMHC, NCC, founder of SparkWell Counseling, is a licensed counselor, life coach and educator who supports high achievers in designing a healthier more balanced lifestyle.
SparkWell Counseling and Coaching provides energetic and solution-oriented support for individuals and couples who are looking for more clarity and balance in their lives.
Find out more about SparkWell offerings at sparkwellcounseling.com.